you typedd*:
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(Sunday, January 11, 2009-)
+10:24 PM]*
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okay here goes.
i think i'm finally done with all the bitter crap i've been feeling over the past few days. i think it could have possibly been just church this morning, that i'm feeling so much better now, so much more hopeful. might be hard to believe, but it seems to make sense.
this line from a worship song struck me this morning:
"oh it's so hard to see
when my eyes are on me"
true huh. think i've been so caught up with myself, with living my own life, chasing my dreams, and above all being so afraid that i'd lose everything, that i forgot how good God has been to me, no matter what i'd done, or what i hadn't.
this doesn't mean that i've forgotten all my regrets or sorrows, but that i've finally been given/ found the strength to carry on, to look at my problems and simply be at peace.
yes, that's it. i've found peace. a serenity that so far, is unshakable. and i know this could only have come from God.
it's still not easy for me to submit my life into His hands, to put my faith completely in Him, to trust that what He gives me will be the best possible scenario. I'm always filled with such doubt and fear, that it always seems better for me to take my life into my own hands, even though i know it's the stupid thing to do.
but then again, maybe it's supposed to be this hard. after all, if it were so easy to trust Him completely, if there were such a lack of doubt, then faith itself would be meaningless, wouldn't it? so maybe it's a good thing to doubt now, then when i finally do trust Him, it'd be so much more significant.
if i do end up trusting Him that much. sigh.
still, i have a lot to do. many things to set right, stuff to salvage, goals to accomplish. and you will always be, a kiss away.
adieu
the story ends like this;
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