you typedd*:
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(Tuesday, January 06, 2009-)
+9:16 PM]*
# is it so wrong?-
so i think i've figured a few more things out today.
hmm, i realised i'm probably quite dumb. maybe the reason why the people i can truly call my friends are precious few and far between, is that i find it so hard to open up, to confide in others, to share my burden.
weird, probably, but the more i think about this, the more sense it makes. it seems to me that everytime i have told others about my problems, i wind up thinking how stupid i had been for even treating the issue as a problem, sometimes mere minutes after. or i'd be worrying if the person i've told my stuff to would think the same.
i guess i'm afraid of being trivial, being mediocre, and completely uninteresting. like the ring left on the shelf; simply not special enough among the host of diamonds i call my peers.
bah. the point is that, it's my fault.
it's my fault that everyone's drifting away. drifted away.
it's my fault that i'm walking further and further into my own shell, and hating the world for it.
it's my fault that i try to numb myself, and wind up pushing everything away.
wishes, hopes and dreams, all of which once seemed as close as the lousy Singaporean grass everywhere, have become as distant as the stars, as impossible as catching a cloud with your hands.
so maybe this is an apology, to those whom have tried to reach out but i'd pushed away. or maybe it's a ranting of a madman, something on which when i look back, i'd laugh at. the real kind of laughter, deep, throaty, hearty and merry.
bah
the story ends like this;
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