you typedd*:
blog
(Monday, June 29, 2009-)
+10:36 PM]*
# -
aw faaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.
dammit, seriously.
someone get me out of my house.
or kill me
the story ends like this;
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(Tuesday, April 21, 2009-)
+11:16 PM]*
# les miserables-
a beautiful song, from the play Les Miserables. i am suddenly reminded how much i used to like lit
I Dreamed A Dream (Les Miserables)
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung
No wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
the story ends like this;
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(Wednesday, April 08, 2009-)
+1:49 AM]*
# friends-
haiz. it seems to me, more nowadays than ever, that others affect my mood more than I'd imagined. I used to think I had grown to be able to shut these kinda things out, that I really didn't need anyone to be a pillar of support, or to lend a listening ear.
yet, it seems that I've been considering the way others feel and react in so many of my decisions everyday, and more importantly, I'm wondering what they'd think of me if I did do something wrong. or right for that matter.
I realised that I really do miss old friends, and I really ache for friends who I could have grown closer to, and long for some friends to feel the way I do about them, hoping that they appreciate me as much as I do them.
it's never easy, having these bonds. They tug and strain at our souls, threatening to snap our heartstrings, but it is also through them that we are strengthened and empowered, and only through them are we able to truly live. Kinda like a mother's umbilical cord that feeds her baby, huh.
am reminded of a song, a dear friend once showed to me. it's a sweet, melancholic song, a refreshing change to the garbled noise that populate our airwaves nowadays.
Falling in love in a coffeeshop- Landon Pigg
I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down
I want to come too
I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
No one understands me quite like you do
Through all of the shadowy corners of me
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I think that possibly
Maybe I'm falling for you
Yes
There's a chance that I've fallen quite hard over you
I've seen the waters that make your eyes shine
Now I'm shining too
Because
Oh
Because I've fallen quite hard over you
If I didn't know you I'd rather not know
If I couldn't have you I'd rather be alone
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
I never knew just what it was about this old coffee shop I love so much
All of the while I never knew
All of the while
All of the while it was you
You
You
You
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, February 08, 2009-)
+9:32 PM]*
# -
FUCK IT SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE FUCK'S THE MATTER WITH YOU.
EVERYTIME I FUCKING TRY TO MAKE A FUCKING CONVERSATION WITH YOU YOU HAVE TO FUCKING IGNORE ME. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT!
fuck la, im too tired to care, even though i do.
the story ends like this;
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(Monday, January 26, 2009-)
+11:06 PM]*
# ow.-
ow.
ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.
you're making it harder and harder to breathe...
the story ends like this;
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(Thursday, January 22, 2009-)
+11:01 PM]*
# -
been sick today, sucks.
throat hurts like hell, though the medicine really helped. ponned pe cause of it, which seemed like a good choice since i was asleep for most of the day, through lessons and all.
trials were yesterday, some were not bad i must say. their stick work seems quite good, and i know their vision was way better than mine. still got a looooooong way to go till A div's though.
haiz. you don't know sometimes how much i wish i could make you feel all better.
the story ends like this;
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(Sunday, January 11, 2009-)
+10:24 PM]*
# -
okay here goes.
i think i'm finally done with all the bitter crap i've been feeling over the past few days. i think it could have possibly been just church this morning, that i'm feeling so much better now, so much more hopeful. might be hard to believe, but it seems to make sense.
this line from a worship song struck me this morning:
"oh it's so hard to see
when my eyes are on me"
true huh. think i've been so caught up with myself, with living my own life, chasing my dreams, and above all being so afraid that i'd lose everything, that i forgot how good God has been to me, no matter what i'd done, or what i hadn't.
this doesn't mean that i've forgotten all my regrets or sorrows, but that i've finally been given/ found the strength to carry on, to look at my problems and simply be at peace.
yes, that's it. i've found peace. a serenity that so far, is unshakable. and i know this could only have come from God.
it's still not easy for me to submit my life into His hands, to put my faith completely in Him, to trust that what He gives me will be the best possible scenario. I'm always filled with such doubt and fear, that it always seems better for me to take my life into my own hands, even though i know it's the stupid thing to do.
but then again, maybe it's supposed to be this hard. after all, if it were so easy to trust Him completely, if there were such a lack of doubt, then faith itself would be meaningless, wouldn't it? so maybe it's a good thing to doubt now, then when i finally do trust Him, it'd be so much more significant.
if i do end up trusting Him that much. sigh.
still, i have a lot to do. many things to set right, stuff to salvage, goals to accomplish. and you will always be, a kiss away.
adieu
the story ends like this;
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